I'm going to have to pause in my recent colloquy on wedding planning and all that jazz to talk about the whole nature of long distance relationships/engagements.
So, obviously they are tough. No one likes doing them right? Well, I mean all of the time right? I mean sometimes its cool because when the other person is mad or you messed up, then Hey! you don't have to see them or HAVE to pick up the phone or HAVE to answer questions directly ("Huh, whats that babe...sorry can't hear ya...phone breaking up...sorry a big spacecraft is beaming me up to another planet...oh no the alien is taking my phone...I'll call you back)....and then if you are smart and call back late at night the person is like half asleep and has forgotten most of the argument/fight/disagreement/whatever(I call it whatever because sometimes it is just whatever).
Now-Real Talk. Most of the time the person hasn't forgotten most of the argument/fight/disagreement/whatever and you have made them even angrier because you are waking them up in the middle of the night to try to sweet talk them knowing good and well that you were in the wrong for XYZ and 123 and H20 (on second thought I can't be wrong for water right?). So you are stuck. In this repetitive cycle. And what can you show for it. Well if you were near or next to the person then you could hug them, tell them nice things, take them out, and let them know that you are sorry and "blah blah blah" (Blah blah blah refers to the verbage one uses after a sorry to explain the sorry; aka think claim/warrant). But what do you do if you are far away, like 4 digits with a comma somewhere within those digits. I mean, sure you can send flowers but flowers are expensive and we are in a recession, or you can send a card but card's are cheap and we are in a recession (so that means stamps are expensive), or you can write an email but emails are time consuming and we are in a recession and time is money. Well nothing. That's right I said it nothing. You are trapped, stuck, and in big trouble the next time you are around the person because it is now on a long laundry list of things that you have done since you have been gone,things needing to get done now that you are around the person/in town, AND the numerous ways you can make up for the first two things. So what's a guy to do?! Here are some suggestions (Note-I am not responsible for the repercussions for following the below suggestions):
A) Admit you are wrong and then listen to the endless words, ramblings, and one-sided conversation that will take place. Ways to pass the time: 1) play a video game. I usually play Madden because usually one game with 5 minute quarters on All-Madden difficulty will get through this rough period. 2) Read a book. I have actually read Palou Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed (look up that book and page numbers) in one of these one-sided conversations. Now if you were to ask me what all I remembered from the book I would probably have told you "In a schooling society/setting there are the oppressed and the oppressor. And it is important that we move our educational system and method of teaching from a banking-system methodology and towards a methodology that will allow me to understand that when I don't do something that I said I would do then you get upset and it is not cool". 3) Sleep. This one is a little harder to do. Especially if you snore. So I suggest that you do one of those airplane/bus ride kind of head nod things so that when your chin touches your chest or your head to the back of the couch/wall or whatever else is behind you...you will immediately awake and say "huh", "ok", or "yes" probably at the right time in the conversation when you are getting the third,fourth and 99th degree. Finally, 4) Workout. I actually did a 4 mile run on a treadmill last week, with the phone on speakerphone, while hearing about how I have lacked in sending emails. This one is a little more difficult to do though because just in case a Hottie walks into the gym you then have to mute the phone and pretend like its your mom or sister while trying to wink and stay on the treadmill. Difficult, but with practice it can work.
B)Admit you were wrong, listen to the endless words, ramblings, and one-sided conversation and then say "your mom is hot" or something totally off the wall. It'll make her laugh....for a second...and then you'll be back on A from above.
C) Do Nothing.
D) Ignore C.
If one is going to be entering a long distance relationship make sure you have practiced for the experience. That means working out your ears....work for a telephone operating company or something or like a complaints hotline so you can listen to people get all up in yo business....if you can survive that...you can survive the long distance relationship. Second, practice your excuses. Some of my favorite: "The bus was hijacked by a flock of ninjas and I was held up with a samurai sword and a piece of fish", "Sorry honey, but I have to go was my tennis shoes", "I'm going to be having a late night at the Rec tonight", "I'm really tired so I think I'm going to go and play video games". There are numerous others. Practice them and see which one flows better for you. Third, save your money. Not for trips to see the significant other but just in case you don't have a nice cell phone plan...well then ya....Luckily I'm on a good plan so no worries here so I just use that money to shower my lady with 'all of her hearts desires"....ok, I'm lying I'm a graduate student nuff said.
Now don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade any of the past years of this long distance relationship for anything. Because come summer of 2011 I won't have to do it ever again and I believe that it'll all be worth it. Some of the perks of it are getting to see the person for the first time in months and realizing that you have it really, really, really, really good and there can and is no one better. Another is the fact that there is somewhere thousands of miles away who cares about you enough to put up with your miserable self(I don't see myself as miserable but for you low self-esteem folks out there, well there you go). Finally, just in case things don't go as plan..you can always leave ("uh, yeah I think my plane leaves today...I know its Christmas..but I gotta get back...I have to get ready for the MLK parade...").
i got one thing to say about flowers and Jaycee you know this story, "$80 flowers. 10 cent text message."
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